I remembered a time when I felt devastated after getting my heart broken. It's not only me but I know there are a lot of women out there who have been in the same place before. The first question that we ask ourselves when our relationships end is where did we go wrong. Then without us noticing it, endless thoughts already flooded our minds and we are in the loop of overthinking things. Repeatedly trying to think of the so many reasons why after all that we have put in the relationship we still ended up alone. It's crazy, I know. I've been there and believe me when I say it's an ugly phase. But one thing that I was glad about that experience is that I have learned so much from it. I have learned so much more about myself and my capabilities. It has made me see things differently even after failing in a few relationships that I so badly wanted to last but didn't. At the end of the day, I can still say that I am still willing to give love another shot again.
And for all women who had hoped and given love but ended with broken hearts, here's a little to do list for you while you are on the journey of healing and preparing yourselves for something better in store for you.
know this is not the easiest of all that's why I made sure it's on the top of the list. Accept that some love stories live to the very end and some of them just don't work no matter how hard we cling to it and work on it. That's the reality of life, you gain some and you lose some. At the end of the day, you still have to find that gratitude because at some point in your life, that person and the love you once shared made you the happiest person in the world. It may not have ended the way you wanted to but the good and happy experiences you've had should be reason enough for you to find comfort.
Do not dwell on the pain and the heart ache. I am not saying that you're not allowed to feel that way, because you are entitled to. You're hurting and that's valid but prolonging it will do you no good. You can never move forward no matter how hard you try if you don't start first with accepting the reality that the relationship has already ended. Whether one fell out of love, third party or just your differences that came in the way, accept it.
There will be questions of what ifs and what could haves in your mind but do not let those questions haunt you. Seek answers on your own or ask the ex directly. You, finding honest answers will make it easier for you to find closure and acceptance. And if the answers don't come, please know that you gave your best shot when you gave your love away and if in any way you felt you have shortcomings, know for sure you have at least tried your hardest. You are a strong one. Let that thought bring you the closure that you needed and keep that in mind as you let yourself heal again.
2. Embrace the journey of being single again.
Embrace the fact that you are single and that you are on your own again. But let me remind you that being on your own does not equate to being lonely. This is actually the perfect time for you to explore and enjoy the little or big things on your own.
For those who have been in long term relationships and are so used to doing things with your boyfriends, this is the perfect time for you to treat yourselves by enjoying things on your own again. Embrace the journey. The time you used to give to your ex before, you can now spend with your family and friends again. You can also reconnect with old friends and if you want to broaden your circle, you can always try to meet new people. You will have a totally different perspective in life when you do things that you have been so excited to try, explore new places and find new hobbies on your own. The options are endless, choose which one works best for you.
3. Invest in you.
I would like to invite every woman out there to invest in yourselves again. It's mostly what we forget when we are in a relationship and when we are trying our hardest to move on from a heartbreak. When we are in a relationship we tend to prioritize our partner more than ourselves. And when the relationship ends, we cling on to the hurt and our shortcomings that we fail to see our own value. Woman, you are valuable and more than anything in the world, you owe it to yourself to take care of the gem that you are. You do not wait for someone to invest in you emotionally to know that. You can start by showering yourself with love and care. Nurture yourself while you are in the stage of healing, waiting, and preparing for the right one. Take care of your well being first. Eat healthy, exercise, go to the gym, treat yourself to a little trip to the spa once in a while and travel to the beach to relax.
Feed yourself with knowledge and never stop learning. If you have to read books again, enroll in a post graduate study or travel to places to learn more, do it. Investing in you also means investing in your future financially. Learn how to handle your finances and save up. Whether for your retirement or your future travels, you will be glad to know the impact of being secured at all times. And also, continue being productive and progressive in life. Modern women value their career and take pride in it. So for working women out there, know that the season of healing and waiting can be the perfect time for you to work hard and smart for that promotion you've been eyeing for a long time now. Or if you are passionate about starting your own business, go ahead and do it. Just do it.
If you invest in yourself and do things that will make you become a better version of you, then you will never have to question your value again. It is the only investment that can never fail you. If you win at this, you will win in life. Nothing is more attractive than a woman who knows how to love and take care of herself first.
4. Never be afraid to love again.
I've met people who cursed on love and their exes after painful break ups. Some people even stopped believing in love and became bitter or cold hearted. But let me remind you that we should not close our minds and hearts on love again. Let's face it, it's normal that we get hurt because we love. And when it hurts, that’s when we know that the love is true. It's all part of it and at some point we should anticipate the possibility because loving means there will be ups and downs. Never let it discourage you because love has more to offer if you would just choose to look at it positively.
It never ceases to amaze me how love changes us and brings out the best in us that we never saw coming. It gives us the butterflies in our stomachs, the flutters and brings the rainbow of colors in our lives. We create precious memories and live in happy moments that we can cherish forever. Love also teaches us how to take risks because when we love, we give our all and hope that we end up with the person we chose to love, even if we are uncertain what the future holds. We still give our best, we keep hoping and we learn to keep fighting for it. And if we get our happily ever after, that's just one of the most amazing things we will ever experience in the world. But if not, at least we have tried and we will still keep trying. We never lose hope and never give up.
I know that a lot of women want to keep that strong independent woman vibe and tell people that they do not need a man or a partner to complete them. I have been one of them before and living up to that motto too, but one day reality hit me hard. I have come to understand that being independent doesn't mean you have to be literally alone in this life. Being independent is more about being self-reliant and knowing how to be responsible on your own. At the end of the day, I realized that though I am the complete, strong and independent woman who totally moved on already, I believe that this life is way too precious and amazing, it is still so much better to have someone to share it with. So I have decided to open my heart again and wait for the one. And I encourage all women out there that once you have healed, please do not be afraid to love again. Open up to the possibility of finding love. Always remember that we are amazing people who are capable of giving love and deserving to be loved back.
By Krista Mari Gapal