One common barrier to enhancing intimacy in a relationship is the fear of not knowing how far to allow someone to go with you or how far to go with your partner or potential partner.
It is very natural to be protective and to want to put up barriers that cannot be breached just to feel secure. But as necessary as this is at times, it is in fact a mistake to seek to put up barriers just when you want to enhance intimacy in your relationship.
If you think about it, putting up barriers place you in a state of mind that is just not conducive to opening up yourself to improved emotional or physical intimacy. Your emotions are just not going to support your desire to be more emotionally connected in an intimate manner.
And of course if your emotions are not supporting that desire, then there is no way physical intimacy is going to be improved or enhanced.
One approach to dealing with the fear of opening up so that you can achieve enhanced intimacy in your relationship is to simply set boundaries.
There are distinct advantages to setting boundaries when it comes to the issue of intimacy.
- Setting boundaries gives you the confidence that comes from knowing your limits, especially emotionally.
- It allows you to beforehand be comfortable about how far you are prepared to go with someone.
- It governs your behavior, giving you more confidence in whatever act you deem necessary to enhance the intimacy in your relationship.
- It defines the environment that is necessary for you to be comfortable at a certain level with your partner.
- Finally, it forces you to reevaluate some of your values and in the process become more connected with who you are - necessary if you are really going to establish a healthy level of intimacy with your partner.
Setting boundaries does not mean putting up roadblocks. What it means is that you know for sure and are completely familiar with the aspects of any relationship that will make you feel more connected while at the same time not undermining your own values.
By doing this and reassuring yourself about what you are comfortable with, you automatically break down the fear that can stand in the way of enhancing intimacy with your partner.
Remember, intimacy starts with your thoughts - your thoughts about who you are, your thoughts about your partner, your thoughts about particular actions. Seek to get all of these thoughts in sync with your own values and your own experience as to what works for you.
One misconception about enhancing intimacy in a relationship is that we are not sure what thoughts to share with our partner. This is an entirely unnecessary burden we place on ourselves because we do not have to share every thought or even most of what we think pertaining to the relationship.
Some thoughts are meant just for your own growth - pleasant or not. Sharing these with your partner makes no practical sense and would only cause confusion rather than enhancing intimacy.
Setting boundaries may seem a bit difficult to do, but it is a process that you can constantly think of, and you constantly work on with the underlying guidance that it is geared towards increased intimacy in a relationship that is healthy and fulfilling.