Falling for Someone I Can't Have


I met him in a white house other people said "he is a monster in distress" but I never believe in them because I'm not a judgmental person. I prefer to get to know more other people rather than judging them.

He always look at me and I had the urge to look back maybe because I felt something in him. I felt something strange and it was my curiosity that drove me to look back at him. I saw his emotions, I felt that I stepped inside his soul and that made me confused, so I decided to approach him. I asked him about his name and it's hard for him to open up himself because I'm a stranger he doesn't have any idea about me but I have an audacity to ask him. Then he trusted me and I don't know why? Maybe because he sensed my trustworthiness. While asking him, I found out that he is a good person just by observing his way of interacting but it didn't end there I always looked at him in a distance and every time I saw him I still couldn't get out of my mind why I was interested in him. Yes I was interested in him until I got to the point where I always talk to him and little by little I got to know him real.

He doesn't talk much, he also doesn't talk to other people especially if he is uncomfortable. He is a picture of a quiet person but when he became comfortable with me he was more able to express all his thoughts and feelings we became friends after all. He is a good friend, he always thinks of the welfare of others more than himself. When I'm tired he works for me, when I'm sad he makes me laugh and when I'm having a hard time he helps me with it. One day while we were at school I noticed that his habits and actions were different especially when were together.

I felt something that I had never felt before, I thought it was just a simple friend but I was wrong. We became close to each other, I considered him as my shoulder to cry on or somebody to lean on and someone who can make me feel comfortable. I thought we would stay like that until the end but we didn't. There were things we didn’t expect and all of a sudden it happened. We are both believers and not just the duty we have to God because we are chosen to serve Him. The day came when he was called to enter the ministry.

I didn’t expect that our deep relationship would stop all of a sudden. Yes, I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me but I chose to let him go and leave what we have to God. It was not easy to set him free. I don't know what kind of pain I felt, there was a part of me that I want to asked him back but our duty to God is more relevant. The last time we talked I said " You should choose your duty to God because above all He is the most important". As I said those words I smiled and was happy in front of him, as opposed to the reality, sadness and resentment that I had inside.

Our deep connection with each other began to break down. At this moment, I knew I can't have him due to his calling as His servant. Six years later the two of us met again. It was a great joy to see him because he was a full pledged minister, but my happiness for him ended in an instant when I found out that he loved someone else and the most painful of all was that he was getting married. I have been praying to God for years and He is with me in all of that. I always pray to God that one day our paths will cross again, but it was not the same as before. And this time, I can't have him because God set him for someone else. In spite of everything, I preferred to understand every circumstances.

God allowed everything to happen so that I could have the right person to love, when the chance is right and every opportunity is enough, God will give me a man who will be my better half in His perfect timing...


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