It Is Easier Not to Forgive
We have heard this before, about how forgiveness can help us move on instead of being stuck in an abysmal rut. In theory, it is easy to put out suggestions to follow simple steps for freedom from bondage. When it comes to implementing the idea, it does get quite difficult and there are hardly any takers. I am going to look at this purely from a practical perspective based on that let us take it a step at a time. Here are some ideas and the reasoning behind the ideas that causes us to stay put, remain stuck in a rut, do not opt to forgive and so on and so forth.
Root Cause of the Problem
Let us take a hypothetical situation. Two people with differing points of view have a tendency to spew venom instead of trying to iron out their differences. Something from within could have caused the mess. Let us say we take the mess out of the negative message to talk things over, constructively, would not this work?
Hypothetically speaking, if both want to get to the root cause of the problem, stop the fights and negative hyperbole chances are that they may just forgive and move on. It may require a series of overtures by both sides to help settle the problem and heal the wounds. If both want to sort out the issue, amicably (it does take two hands to clap, anyway) - the root will no longer be a factor.
When you Agree to Disagree
Opposing points of view make for intelligent debates. When the situation goes out of balance, the debate will become a debacle. Agreeing to disagree with someone who has a different take is what life, as we know it, is about. A person, or a group of people for instance, who rant at someone, just to score brownie points, sets off a series of negative reactions with a condescending barrage of gibberish (for want of a better word), resulting in exaggeration on all counts. Therefore, while it is cool to disagree with an opposing point of view, constant chatter bordering on the negative takes the swing way too high. The bottom line is that neither would like to shake hands and give peace a chance. The easy way out in this context is to keep on with the negative matter with no option of forgiveness in plain sight. Sad but true.
Holding on to a Grudge
Practically everyone knows that holding onto a grudge going seems to be a wiser choice than trying to settle the score. Let us consider this situation, imagine you have a falling out with someone over a trivial issue. The problem can go on for days, weeks, months and years. Since the triviality was never addressed in the past, the grudge becomes a crutch because neither party would like to lose the crutch for fear of being considered the loser. A simple disconnect which could have been analyzed in a pleasant manner becomes huge that clinging onto the grudge for dear life seems the valid and intelligent choice. Forgiveness becomes a weird notion to consider primarily because both believe that they were right. In all fairness, both sides are entitled to their own opinions. When you want to give peace a chance the stubbornness and dogged behavior will go out the door.
Anger Raises its Head
Anger, like a grudge, is an emotion that we hold onto and never let go of, until the very end. Like stubbornness, anger becomes a crutch. The person/s we are angry with seems to be at the forefront of any problem even if the person has nothing whatsoever to do with the issue. Unfortunately, negative blindness takes over resulting in anger, disgust, snide behavior and finally hatred. When it gets to the last phase, letting go becomes very difficult and even impossible. Since no one is able to mend fences but sitting on the fence is an easier route, the determination to stay angry continues. Therefore, even if the thought crosses your mind to settle the score, the negative voice within will keep on as the anger remains and the hatred grows. Forgiveness, when you remain angry becomes almost impossible, but down the line, it can work out, if everyone wants to give peace a chance.
In Simple Speech
There are many reasons (aside from the ones cited above) why forgiveness and love takes a backseat. One prime reason being that arrogance has become a prime 'virtue' - when you forgive someone, you give up on pride. Most of us choose to keep pride close to our hearts, and being humble goes out the door.
Instead of getting moralistic here, the point being projected is that forgiveness has and will always take us places. It is very difficult and while we need to move on, we need to heal too. This begins with letting go of any hurt no matter what it is and once we do, we can forgive ourselves, forgive someone else and then expect forgiveness from others. This journey never ends, but unless we try, we will never succeed.